And Now For Something Completely Different!

Hello my little flowers…it’s me! Madame Regina! I’m back! Tell you what; I’m going to pretend all of you really did miss me sooooo much that life was almost too unbearable during my absence! If I tell myself that enough times I will start to believe it! Anyway, enough of this self-doubting self-indulgence! I want to take this moment to thank my dear friend Butchi De Rose for the wonderful job she did while I was away! Darling Butchi, you are an angel with 24 carat gold gossamer wings! Warm-warm hugs and many air kisses to you sweetie! But as long as I still have Butchi around I’m going to ask her a few questions. I don’t think she really addressed a critical part of this narrative yet and I don’t know why she didn’t. I need to talk to her about the person who played the most important role in her life: Yawyk Acker.

Madame Regina: You only skimmed over a little bit about Acker. I really think you have so much more to say about her.

Butchi De Rose: I’m open to any questions you have.

MR: Okay. Now you mentioned earlier that your aunt left you at Acker’s door with a note and a one-dollar bill. What happened after that?

BDR: I was 10 years old when my aunt abandoned me. I guess she really didn’t want to have the responsibility of raising a kid. I know she was angry when her sister –my mother—left me with her. My aunt had a lot of other things she wanted to do like, first and foremost, finding a husband. Having a child already would make this very difficult. Add to that the fact that my aunt was only 22 at the time and I don’t think she really knew anything about raising a child considering that she wasn’t that far removed from her own childhood. Anyway, when she decided to leave Stanktown, I guess maybe as a form of punishment, she thought she would stick me with the meanest person around.

MR: And that was Acker.

BDR: Right, Yawyk Acker –Acker the Witch!

MR: Everyone called her Acker the Witch even back then?

BDR: Yes. I think it was because everyone thought she was just some mean old lady who ran that little store. I don’t think she ever discouraged anyone from thinking that about her. I suppose she thought that maybe people would leave her alone if they thought she was mean. Certainly most people didn’t know that when they called her that it was actually a true description!

MR: Yes it was! Anyway, back to when you were left with Acker. What happened after that?

BDR: Acker found me standing outside her store on the morning my aunt left me. I remember seeing her coming from the back of the store and then she saw me at the front door. She came over and opened the door and said, “Whadda ya’ want little boy –I can’t sell ya’ nothin’ cuz I ain’t opened up yet.” I didn’t say anything, I handed her the note and the one-dollar bill. As she was reading the note she was saying “Oh my –oh my –oh my!” Then she put her arm around my shoulders and led me into the store. I still remember the little ‘ding-a-ling’ sound of the bell when she closed the door. After she took me in, she locked the door and brought me to the backroom. And I have to tell you, like everyone else in the neighborhood, I was afraid of Acker because I was young and I heard everyone calling her a witch so naturally I believed it. But anyway, I was terrified when she took me to the back. I thought she was going to yell at me or even hit me! But she didn’t do anything like that. Instead, she took my hands in hers and stooped over and looked right into my eyes and said, “Listen little one, I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you!” When she said that, she was like a different person! She didn’t say it in her usual Stanktown accent. Then she said, “I’m going to take you in because if I don’t you’ll get sent to an orphanage!” Then she hugged me and said, “You stay with me little one because you’re all alone in this world, just like me!”

MR: Oh my, that is so sweet! What in the world did your aunt write in that note that made Acker react the way she did?

BDR: The note was asking Acker if she could ‘take care of this rotten kid cause I don’t want him and no one else does either!’

MR: Oh dear, that’s terrible! And you had no other family members you could stay with?”

BDR: No. Beside my mother and my aunt, I had no other family. And since my mother and my aunt didn’t want me, I guess you could say I really was an orphan. (She pauses for a moment as tears come to her eyes) My goodness look at me! (Butchi reaches into her purse for a hanky and dabs her eyes) I can’t believe something like this still bothers me after all these years!

MR: It’s all right dear; we don’t have to talk about that if you don’t…

BDR: No, no it’s okay! I don’t mind talking about it. But sometimes when you bring up things from the past, I mean if you have any heart at all, some of it will affect you. (She smiles and looks at Madame Regina) This is like being in therapy!

MR: Yes, and we both know a little something about that!

BDR: (Butchi laughs) Yes, don’t we though! But anyway, I’m fine now; so let me finish what I was going to say. Now where was I? Okay, right. Acker decided to have me live with her since I had no place else to go. The thing is she kept me hidden so the authorities wouldn’t take me away. You see, she was afraid that if someone saw me and they knew I was with Acker, they would take me to an orphanage. They still had those back then. And if they saw me with Acker they would know I didn’t belong to her since everyone knew Acker didn’t have any children.

MR: My goodness! It must have been a very lonely time for you. Did you even go to school?

BDR: No I didn’t and that was okay. Everyone thought I left with my aunt. And because she did leave so abruptly the assumption was that her nephew, little Tommy, went with her. Of course we don’t have to tell you that I was little Tommy.

MR: Yes, we all know that…Tommy! But anyway, you didn’t go to school. So how did you get an education?

BDR: I stayed out of school for only a few years. Then I emerged as Butchi. Acker concocted a story that I was the daughter of her niece from out of town. This make believe niece of Acker’s, who was supposed to be my mother, was too sick to look after me so she sent me off to Auntie Yawyk! No one really questioned the story, so I was able to go back to school. But during the time I was in hiding, I read many of the books Acker had in her collection.

MR: What kind of books did she have in her collection... magic books?

BDR: No, not at all or at least none that I saw. Believe it or not, Acker had thousands of regular books! These were books she picked up over the years. She had the classics of literature like, A Tale of Two Cities, Crime and Punishment, Moby Dick…

MR: Ugh! Reading Moby Dick must have been a crime and a punishment!

BDR: Madame Regina that’s not funny.

MR: Sorry Butchi.

BDR: Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, ( laughs) Acker had me read some of the books she had because she told me, “Until I figure out what I'm going to do with you, you need to keep reading and writing so your brain doesn’t turn into mush.”

MR: So in a way, a really great teacher educated you! Tell me Butchi, did Acker read any of those books?

BDR: She read every one of the books in her collection. You have to remember, she was nearly 200 years old! So she had lots of time to read every single one of those books.

MR: Hmm. You know, I sometimes wish I could have enough time in a day to read a copy of Vogue!

BDR: Oh yes Madame Regina, you are just sooo busy all the time aren’t you? (laughs)

MR: That’s why I love you dearie. You’ve become this fabulous old doll but you still haven’t lost your edge! But anyway, moving on. So you spent a couple of years in hiding. You were reading books and doing whatever. Now tell me, how did it come about that Acker decided to change you into a girl?

BDR: Oh I forgot to tell you; Acker had a huge collection of records too. During the time I was in hiding, she would let me play the records. After a while, I started to sing along with them. I did that for years, even after I came out of hiding. And because of that, I learned to sing and eventually got the job at Rigger’s.

MR: What kind of records were you singing along with?

BDR: I know you’ll appreciate this Madame Regina. I was learned how to sing by mimicking Peggy Lee!

MR: Oh that’s wonderful!

BDR: Yes, I really liked Peggy Lee, and Lena Horne, and even Judy Garland.

MR: What do you mean ‘and even Judy Garland’? You make it seem like she was an afterthought.

 BDR: Well she’s not an afterthought; it’s just that Acker didn’t have a lot of records by Judy Garland. I mean I would have listened and sung along if she had more than just Get Happy. That was the only recording from Judy Garland that she had.

MR: You know this is funny Butchi…I just can’t ever imagine Acker sitting around listening to records while she’s reading Paradise Lost.

BDR: There’s so much about Yawyk Acker that people never knew about. MR: Yeah, like she was a real witch and she was about 200 years old!

BDR: As strange as it might seem, and I know none of your readers will ever believe it but, it’s all true! There was actually an old woman named Acker. Just like there was really a nightclub called Rigger’s. And all the people in the story like Buddy O’Connor and Reverend Marblehead –they all really existed!

MR: Let’s not bring up Reverend Marblehead shall we.

BDR: I know I don’t want to talk about him. I’ll let you deal with him in future chapters.

MR: And deal with him I will! But anyway Butchi were getting off track here. Let’s talk about why Acker decided to turn you into a girl.

 End of part 1 of the interview with Miss Butchi. Part 2 will appear on Tuesday, April 11, 2006