The Excellent History of Madame Regina

VISITATION

Reverend Marblehead stumbles into his apartment in the early hours of the morning. The blue suit he is wearing is stained and wrinkled. He takes off the coat to inspect it for damage.

“I should have been more insistent with that surly streetcar driver!” He mutters to himself as he tries to rub off a grease stain on the elbow of the coat with a handkerchief.

“How dare that insolent Negro throw me –a minister, off a public conveyance!”

“MARBLEHEAD!”

The booming, thunderous beckoning causes the minister to drop his coat to the floor. He looks around.

“You know I’m getting awful tired of you…VOICE!” Reverend Marblehead calls out in his intoxicated anger. “All you ever do is holler and insult me! I want you to show yourself to me right now!”

“MARBLEHEAD!” The voice rings out again, “MY PATIENCE WITH YOU IS WEARING QUITE THIN!”

Reverend Marblehead looks upward and points to the ceiling. He shouts back,

“My patience is getting thin with you too! I want you to show yourself to me cause I wanna see if you’re for real! Got it? Cause if you ain’t for real then you can go to Hell!” 

In an instant, the reverend is out on the back porch of his third floor apartment. In front of him, hovering in above the ground is a huge, glowing, twirling apparition. The hideous specter is gesturing manically as it’s three bloated breasts sway wildly back and forth.

“JESUS MOTHER OF MERCY!” Reverend Marblehead shouts. He tries to run off, but his feet won’t move.

“LET’S GO MARBLEHEAD –I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU!” The ghastly spirit sputters. Suddenly, Reverend Marblehead is lifted off his feet and is flying away from his apartment. He screams loudly as they make their way up and over the city toward the waterfront.

“LET ME DOWN!” Reverend Marblehead screeches as they pass over the docks and head for the open sea.

“JESUS LORD GOD SAVE ME! SAVE ME!” He screams.

In the pitch-black darkness high above the water, they come to an abrupt halt.

“BECAUSE OF YOUR, HAH! LACK OF FAITH IN ME MARBLEHEAD I’VE DECIDED TO END OUR PARTNERSHIP!” The spirit shouts. It then waves it’s scrawny arms over Reverend Marblehead’s feet.

“OOOOOOOW!” The reverend screams at the sudden, crushing pain in his legs. He looks down to see both of his feet, up to his knees, encased in blacksmith’s anvils.

“BYE-BYE MARBLEHEAD HA HA HA!”  The apparition cackles gleefully as the reverend suddenly plummets to the water below.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The reverend screams as he rapidly drops toward the water.

Instead of plunging into the water, he stops unexpectedly. He opens his eyes and sees that he is just above the water. The waves splash around the two anvils attached to his feet. The glowing apparition appears before him.

“ARE YOU READY TO DO MY BIDDING MARBLEHEAD?” The spirit says. Its face is directly in front of the reverend’s face.

“I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT! ANYTHING –ANYTHING!”

The reverend hollers in a strained, shrieking tone.

“GOOD!” The spirit says calmly.

In an instant, the reverend is back in his apartment and is seated at his kitchen table.  A piece of paper drifts downward from the ceiling and settles in front of the reverend.

The Warning

“I WROTE THIS MANIFESTO IN JUST THE SAME WAY YOU SPEAK.” The spirit tells the reverend. “YOU ARE TO HAVE COPIES MADE AND YOU WILL PASS THEM OUT TO EVERYONE!

“Okay! I will –I will –I will!” The reverend says anxiously.

“ONE MORE THING MARBLEHEAD,” The spirit says as another piece of paper floats downward, “YOU NEED TO SIGN THIS!”

The reverend picks up the parchment. He doesn’t recognize any of the writing on it. A feathered quill is suddenly placed in his hand.

The reverend looks at the plume and asks, “What am I signing?”

“JUST SIGN IT!” The spirit’s deafening command causes the whole building to shake.

The reverend quickly signs his name in blood red ink. In a moment the parchment and the feathered quill vanish.

“THAT WAS JUST TO MAKE EVERYTHING LEGAL, MARBLEHEAD.” The spirit says. “YOU UNDERSTAND OF COURSE!”

The reverend watches as the apparition begins to fade away.